Cupping Pandas...

Still in Xi'an with my American friend and Chinese Historian, Jesse, we decided it was time to hit the party scene, or as close as we could get whilst still in China.

Xi'an isn't exactly known for it's hard-core partying, but I did remember from my previous visit that I stayed in a dorm room which had the hardest of party-goers. These hard-core few had been teaching English to Chinese children for the last four months in some of the most rural parts of China. Bored to death of cold showers and desolate drinking venues, they converged on Xi'an for a two week drinking bender. Whilst I stayed in their room, I witnessed their nocturnal lifestyle which included getting in no earlier than 6am. They would know where to go – one step better, they would take us there too!!

Jessie and I then prepared out livers for some hardcore damage and set off into the night with our intrepid guides, rather unsure what the Chinese clubbing experience would hold for us....

On arriving at our first venue, we noticed that the music was rather strange. I believe it was playing a dance remix of “Allright” by the early 1990's pop band East 17. This was not to be a normal night.



Being foreigners, we were quickly thrust onto the dance stage and had been drinking some Bijo (the really nasty, but rather strong rice wine) in preparation. Here, glow-sticks in hands, we danced like frantic loonies. Performing such classics as big fish, little fish, fish in a box, and the Maccarana. I certainly threw in some really dodgy MC Hammer at one point as well. All of this went down far too well, with the crowd of Chinese people (we were the only westerners) lapping it up and even imitating at times.

Then, from the other side of the dance-floor I noticed that Jesse had been pounced on by a very drunk, very 'prosperous' (fat) Chinese man. Who was thrusting him from side to side and trying to take off his shirt – I warned you it was a strange club. Rather worried that in his impaired state he may get into trouble (actually, just really intrigued if I'm honest!) I went over to see what was going on. At this time the Chinese man grabbed me as well and did a sideways rock and roll dance, but far faster and far stronger than the beat. Then he tried to take my shirt off me, which I resisted, resulting in three missing buttons and one ripped shirt. The rest of the evening I would have to spend in a partial state of undress!

After a couple of hours of really bad dancing, it was time to leave and visit the second of the two only half decent clubs in Xi'an (a city of about 9 million people).

On arrival, we were informed that everyone was just about to finish work and we weren't going to be let in – just as other Chinese people were being let in. One [American] member of our party who shall remain nameless, then decided to say in fluent Chinese to the big and rather cheesed off looking bouncer that his mother was also coming off work around now; implying she worked as a prostitute. This went down about as well as you would imagine, with the guy chasing him into the club and hasty apologies being made.

Somehow though, we managed to get into the club and then proceeded towards the second dance-floor, where the DJ's were making heart shapes with their fingers towards the ladies in our group. Here, one [American] member of our group took his drink onto the dance-floor and was told that this was not allowed to do so by one of the five or so police men who are always present in clubs wearing white helmets. After walking back onto the dance-floor a very amusing Benny Hill style chase ensued, with yet more apologies.

When I tried to take a photo of the club, I was told off and decided that it probably wasn't worth causing a third event in the same club!

Overall, it had certainly been an amusing evening, and I was glad that I had had the opportunity to see the inside of some rather strange Chinese clubs. I think our American friend probably shouldn't drink so much Bijo next time though.

Now it was time to be off to Chendu, the home of the Pandas and only a few miles away from the rather recent epicentre of the devastating Chinese earthquake. After priding ourselves with trying all nine of the local speciality foods, including extruded noodles, a strange kebab like thing, poached bread and many other items including organs of various animals, I took with me two Chinese kebabs in bread for the journey.



Unlike before, I didn't really meet anyone of any interest, with many people going to bed at lights out of 9pm, and not really waking up until the departure at 12 midday the next day.

From here I decided to check into a budget hotel, “treating” myself to a single room with decent internet access in an attempt to organise the next month of my holiday. All for 15 pounds a night.

Chendu, located in the heart of the Szechuan province of China, is known for two things. One, it is very laid back. Two, it's got REALLY hot food. I was intending on making use of both of these.

With much planning to do, and the blog entries from Xi'an to write as well as photos to upload, I took my time exploring the town, idiosyncrasies and all. Although like all Chinese towns it was huge, with a population of about 8 million, there were still highlights which weren't to be missed.



Just outside my hotel were locals who were playing all manner of different games. Some included card games I recognised such as “Big two” and a variation on hearts, whilst others played games I'm less familiar with, including Chinese Chess, Marjong and a very strange card game using long, flat cards. Here I would while away the hours, completing my various tasks whilst sipping on a multitude of Chinese green teas.



With the planning out of the way, it was time to move on to some of the highlights of this region. First on the list were the Pandas.

Now, I've been warned about Pandas. The specific warning I was given was that they are “very similar to Koala bears”, who spend their whole life doing sweet expletive all except for eating and sleeping. But let's be honest, they are kinda cute.



The best times to see them “in action”, or at least as much action as a dead tortoise, was in the mornings. This meant an early rise of 6am and a good 90 minute journey to get there. On arrival we were greeted with what we all feared. Lazy, sleeping Pandas. Luckily the morning cattle-prod in the shape of a heap of fresh bamboo was just being delivered. As if by magic, the Pandas sprang into action, reaching top speeds of 2mph and coving literally metres from where they slept to where the food was. Upon reaching their targets, they promptly were too exhausted by the morning's exertion and decided that eating laying down was probably a good idea.



There's a reason creatures become endangered, and despite claims of destroying habitat and hunting for firs, I'm beginning to think that Pandas were just “lazied” to death. The attached museum even admitted that reproduction attempts often ended in failure, so artificial insemination was often used. I'm suspecting that the creatures probably fell asleep whilst on the job!

I must admit though, the smaller ones were even cuter. Probably because of their diet of milk rather than the very fibrous bamboo, they were also far more active. I'm glad that I've seen them, but if they weren't cute and fluffy, then they would be extinct a few times over by now.



Checking out of my hotel and into a local hostel, I met up with some people from my last hostel in Xi'an. Spending the day together, we explored the town and I decided on taking a quick dip into one of the more surreal museums of Chendu.



The Museum in question held almost more Chairman Mao memorabilia than anywhere else in China – however, it was in the lounge of it's collector. The collector, who was in his late 80's, was pretty much a Mao kleptomaniac, with the intention of showing the collection to anyone who would view it. As you would expect of any self respecting kleptomaniac, he had hoarded a lot of stuff. Some of it was good, much of it was tat; all was focused on Mao.



With my knowledge of Chinese failing me, we decided to move on for a night's relaxation in a local Chinese “Tex Mex”. Falling off the wagon never felt so good as I gobbled a huge taco, washing it down with a fresh margarita.

Earlier I mentioned how this region of China is well known for it's spicy food. Well, out of that spicy food, the best known is the “hotpot”. This involves a big central pot of bubbling liquid which is simmering over a hot burner, to which you add various extras including raw meat and other assorted veg. Unfortunately, the word “hot” in the name does not only refer to the temperature of the pot. It mostly refers to the fact that the liquid is about 50% chilli or chilli oil and 50% special peppercorn, which are known to make your mouth numb as you ingest them.



It was undoubtedly the hottest thing I've tried in my travels. For someone who has been to India – that's quite a thing to say! My friends thought so too...



The following day, it was time for another rather strange experience - “Cupping”. Okay, I know what you're thinking, and it isn't that. Get your minds out of the gutter right now.

Whilst you are erasing that image from your brains, I shall help you implant a new one. Imagine if you will, what a westerner cross bread with a pepperoni pizza looks like. Imagine no longer.



This is the after-effect of a cupping session, whereby they place small gold-fish bowls on your back, lighting the air inside to create a strong vacuum. Whilst not really unpleasant, it's hardly the highlight of my life, and the lingering marks which are said to last for weeks are getting quite a few questions – either way, it only cost 80p so was worth the experience!



As this entry is lingering more than most, I'm going to save Tiger Leaping Gorge for next time, but don't worry – stories will be abound, along with some stunning scenery and some silly photos.

I'll leave you with the best piece of Chinglish I've seen in a while, taken from a town where I was trying to extend my Chinese Visa.

Enjoy!